When I visited Barcelona back in 2015, a friend kindly (and wildly) brought me for a somewhat spontaneous adventure to San Sebastian.
We got to live with some friends of his - a loving, Uruguayan family with a huge sense of hospitality.
They opened up their hearts and home for us to spread sand from our wetsuits, and they would prepare breakfast for us every morning.
As a Swede, breakfast has always been a huge deal for me. We eat a lot and very nourishing and saturating foods to keep the warmth and energy high all throughout the day.
I came to learn that Spanish and Hispanic people are kind of the opposite.
They drink orange juice and café con leche (leche con café), and might get a Magdalena (muffin) or white bread. They might skip lunch or snack on a bocadillo, but often eat a hell of a big dinner - around 22pm in the evening.
At this time of my life I was full on into the fitness industry and kept a very tight diet to complement my 6 days a week-training routine. My whole life was focused on "health" and keeping the body fit.
Needless to say, I was struggling with the Magdalenas...
I honestly thought that I would loose something (Obviously not weight) if I ate white bread and sugar once. My discipline, my fit shape, my identity as a personal trainer...
I was highly uncomfortable in the situation, not wanting to be impolite yet wanting to keep my nutritional standards. My friend insinuated several times that I was just that - Impolite. And of course, he was right to some extend.
But not only that. Looking back at it now, I realize how I missed out on enjoying the very moment, myself and those hospitable people.
This was far from the only situation I did so. I spent about 15 years of my life thinking about food (obviously still doing it), setting up rules for myself and mentally abusing myself.
I believe this is very common. Way too common. I can honestly say that I didn't meet one single woman who didn't have any experience what so ever with a shitty self image and obsessive thoughts and/or behavior related to food. That is to me a society with eating disorder. There is a lack of order, a change of order, when it comes to eating. And even more - when it comes to thinking about food!
When did food become something else than something nourishing and a blessing for those who are privileged enough to enjoy it? This is a curse of the mayan world where we get so easily delusional with our monkey minds constantly grasping for distraction and gratification.
For my sake - It took me 33 years to realize how much energy it sucks from me and how much joy I´m missing out on.
Even worse - When looking back at my "super fit" period in life, I still remember feeling unhappy with myself. Because the "flaw" doesn't lie in our bodies and looks - but in our ways of thinking.
With that said - it´s also easy to become self judgmental for that itself instead of actually realizing how we are all - both women and men - victims for a wicked society of constant self criticism, distractions and shallowness.
This morning I´m back in Barcelona. Enjoying a HUGE breakfast with both white bread, sugar and coffee. Breaking rules and old paradigms. With more softness in my body as well as my heart.
Not because it´s all of sudden healthy to eat those things. But because it´s healthy to be reflective and non dogmatic. Because I´m done with self abuse. Because I love myself. And I love beautiful earth mother and her abundance and gifts. Food is to be eaten. Not misused.
Whenever something becomes an obsession, we have let our minds become too powerful. We get caught in the stories about how "things should be" - how WE should be - rather than being content with the moment.
I´m no longer measuring my amount of body fat weekly. I still struggle at times, anything else would be a lie. But I´m determined to enjoy the moment instead of questioning myself.
Hope you have a great Sunday where you get to notice the blessings that are already around!
MUCH LOVE!